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Parle Moi de Parfum Wake Up World

Parle Moi de Parfum

Wake up world! Wake up and smell the 90's, quite literally. Such a bold global proclamation deserves a better fragrance than this surely? Go back to sleep world, is more like it. Yeah I simply don't like this and it's not because I don't like DHM or Ambroxan, both great materials but I don't think this is showcasing an innovative way of using them. It smells to me of a lemon/bergamot opener on this insipid, pile of stuff, the soapy, herbal, 'man goo', that is dihydromyrcenol and some diffusive ambroxan and a hint of sickly coumarin warmth. I think it's a bit of nightmare actually and reminds me of stuff like Nikos Sculpture, oddly misshapen and ugly to most but with a strange beauty to the few. It also sort of reminds me a touch of 00's Gucci or even something which I like possibly Armani Code or something? But that's a prime example of how this kind of stuff (let's call it modern fougere) can be done right. I'm not mad at it, just disappointed but how could I not be, it's clearly supposed to make a statement, the bottle is dark as apposed to all the other Parle Moi perfumes, and the name screams a message, literally at the whole stricken space bauble we live on. Wake up!!!! The same message that was daubed in graffiti throughout the UK during the pandemic, as a 'deep' message to the sheeple.... man! pfffft!!! So whether the name is poignant to you or not, it certainly built up my expectations to a fever pitch, only to be deflated rather rapidly. Also Michel Almeriac making a 90's type, masculine (ok it's unisex marketed) hommage sounds on paper like something right up my street. It just isn't, I found it quite unpleasant.

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Alexandre.J Mandarine Sultane

Mandarine Sultane

I've seen this going cheap a few times and been tempted to blind buy it. I've tried it now... and I'm somewhat less tempted, but not all the way entirely. There's something I like about it's trashy, knockabout themes, the main one being mandarin, and bergamot which it conveys instantly, in a sort of vague, chalky floral cloud a little like the vague peach or apricot hint you get with osmanthus, except here it's with a definite mandarin note, so far so good then. What is immediately apparent (and much moreso later) is a very creamy, sweetened, musk/sandalwood which is soft and likable and as the more volatile citrus and vague floralcy floats off into the air, you're left with something of a appealing skin/clothes sent of long gone fruit and tropical cocktail, and creamy aroma chemicals. What I like is that it doesn't get progressively sweeter until just annoying musk and vanillin remain, which is what I thought might happen at one point. Hey, as far as mandarin/sandalwood fragrances go, I'm struggling to think of a better one at this point (or any other one for that matter but there you go) and I was genuinely happy when I first smelled it but I would pay top whack for this, no way.

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Zoologist Perfumes Sacred Scarab

Zoologist Perfumes

Bravo to Sultan Pasha for being one of those oil/attar makers and natural material gurus who actually has a respect and grasp of classic perfumery, clearly loves perfume, collects it, and knows it intimately. It shows in his attars which are not just fantastic, rare, high quality materials, unsupported by any compositional skill, they are like odes to classic French technique in oil form. The problem I have with attars is that I don't like the way they wear, give me an alcohol perfume any day, and my prayers have been answered, thanks Zoologist. Instantly, think big, rich, powdery, Mitsuoko chypre, meets aldehydic floral opening, that blue lotus accord (perhaps even the stuff itself, don't see why not it's Pasha afterall) and I detect a trace of jasmine and ylang or even osmanthus, it has a certain dry, summery, chalky freshness, then into downbeat drydown of resins and woods, ever detectable at the 'back' of the composition. It's fantastic, a real love letter to perfume, and a proper treat for perfume enthusiasts who love um' traditional. I thought it was great. Pretty spectacular actually.

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Zoologist Perfumes Seahorse

Zoologist Perfumes

A fantastic disgrace this one. Elements I like and some I really don't but what I will say is that it's incredibly well made, and balanced, much more so than many Zoologists, not being bitchy there, I like many of them and the opportunities brand owner Victor gives to indy perfumers but as soon as I smelled this I figured it had been done by one of the IFF crew he's brought in for recent releases. There's the signature ambroxan and woody amber as it's dried down something Rasquinet seems to be able to keep on doing without offending anyone. (Anyone being me) Of course it has those melon faceted calone, or marine molecule effects to it as well, something which you'd very much expect in a perfume named seahorse but you also get that salty, algae bloom, seaweed with a sickening creamy neroli and vetiver. This is that combination often found in these sorts of sea evoking perfumes and it's the reason I disliked many fragrances including vetiver dance by Andy Tauer but then ended up being convinced by. I can even smell the aromatic clary sage and a somewhat, 90's masculine lean to this perfume which is an aquatic with much more than meets the eye. It's actually very pleasurable to wear and has some sweet, almost fruity facets at the start, giving almost pink hues in and among all that aquamarine and teal. Reminded me in a fleeting seaside way of Pacific rock moss by G&B. Anyway, all in all I think it's accomplished what it sets out to do, evoke a seahorse. I can forgive the herbal, handcream/neroli/vetiver thing because it's me that needs to grow on that front and there's enough other stuff going on to keep me interested and actually enjoy this perfume.

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Affinessence Cuir Curcuma

Oh my sweet lord! This is absolutely gorgeous! I can't say that I've said that about a perfume in ages but there, I said it. I really like this brand, despite the prohibitive price tag and luxury veneer at first glance. In fairness though I think the natural materials used shine with a brilliance and clarity, and the cofferette presentation is very nice to be fair, so it's not like you're being cheated, I just can't afford them and I'm bitter hahah. Although another plus about this brand, they now offer smaller bottles, and this and the Ambergris one are so mind-alteringly good, that I will have to get them at some point when I'm flush. So this to me, smells much more like a creamy musky, sandalwood with gorgeous irone accents, rather than a straight up Iris or orris root perfume. It has a powdery, fruity top note and evokes DK Cashmere/Fuel for Men, Santal Carmin but it's frankly better than all of those. This is due to the fact it's soooooo thick and dense and voluminous as are everything in this basenote only line. The difference from a mere comforting sandalwood/musk type scent is the fact that it evokes leather quite bloody well, and avoids the usual cliches of known bases like Suederal (even though it's glorious) or the floral 'leather' of a cuir de Russie or the modern leathers with spiky IBQ, or even a really orris laden or cosmetic smelling leather, this seems to achieve something adjacent to these. It stays close to the skin but wears relentlessly and is so beautiful, it's an absolute delight, I'm as intrigued about this as I was with Musk Ambergris one, except this is less bizarro.

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Zara Bohemian Oud

By The Fireplace clone. Great longevity. No burnt plastic, these peeps noses are broken.

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MCM - Mode Creation Munich MCM Orris

MCM - Mode Creation Munich

I was disappointed by this, a pal sent me a sample and whenever I see 'Orris' in the title of a fragrance I mentally prepare for something lovely and frankly quite safe in terms of most peoples tastes, orris butter is divine, irones and ionones are divine (used correctly) and orris bases and materials like Orris givco are lovely, orris blends well with most stuff...basically how'd you fuck orris up? Well MCM manage it! hahah...no I'm kidding, it's not all bad but I think the name is a little misleading for me, despite some vague orris texture I can just about detect. I think? Opens lovely, complex, lightly floral and fresh but then to me this quickly becomes a salinated, cucumber, dill, papyrus-lite, fragrance which glimpses Santal 33 more than any orris perfume. Do not take from that, that this is a clone of Santal 33, I'm using it as a very loose reference. I'm not a huge fan, smells a bit cheap and lacklustre (yes I know snobby) it does progress throughout the day, and is not completely unrewarding, just not for me.

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Le Labo The Matcha 26

Le Labo is a funny brand really, I'm not one to dismiss them off hand because I feel little connection with what they're doing, so a new release always has me interested. Matcha seems to have been trendy in haute cuisine a few years ago and fragrance tends to follow suit. Le Labo are also notorious for not delivering the obvious from the name of their perfumes, another thing to bear in mind. First impression for me is a likable, but also slightly forgettable scent. It's like a slightly bland, rice dish to me. Apparently the opening is fig, I'll go along with that but it's not the classic fig accord in Philosykos or Armani if that's what you're expecting. I like the light infusion of the matcha accord/element, because does, just about, evoke that, but through a soapy, laundry filter. It's not wholly satisfying, nor is it disappointing. I'm always crying out for something different and when I get it I'm still not happy, I'm just a whiner. This might be the kind of thing that slips under the radar for a few years then all of sudden it's a new Santal 33. Inexplicably popular. Ya never know.

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Atelier des Ors Lune Feline

Atelier des Ors

A top loaded perfume which has lots of excitement and crowd pleasing (for the more discerning crowd) stuff which really wowed me for the first few minutes but it's clearly a sweet perfume with quite a lot of vanilla which is my problem with it. The mixture of resinous, deep, woody incense and spices with an equally big proportion of vanillic traits, never seems to sit well with me. A detectable vanilla to round out the woody spiciness, or even overt incense, makes this kind of 'jelly' effect I often describe but this just kinda wears a bit relentlessly, sweet with vanillin, it's a bit sickly and something I find pointless after most of the excitement of the top and mid notes have gone. I don't hate this perfume it's well made and all that just not quite within my tastes.

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Hermès Terre d'Hermes Eau Givree

Terre d'Hermes Eau Givree

Well not wanting to jump the gun or be sally come lately to this release, I'm gonna give my opinions after a brief encounter with it. This flanker is Nagel taking on the Terre d'Hermes backbone and stamping her own thing on it. Is that necessarily a good thing? The jury is out on this and H24. I don't hate them, in fact it's a style of perfume I quite like, this simplistic, freshness and white musky, mist and it's a smart move for Hermes keeping their aesthetic reasonably un tarnished while not having to resort to the kind of bubblegum, mega loud, crowd pleasing of many other designer brands. This opens with a lemony grapefruit and it's a turbo bitter accord at that, I like, and thought to myself lemony, grapefruit wouldn't be surprised if they list citron....they have. Then it's a mixture of TdH genetics and growing orange spiced woody accord but really a faint spectre in the presence of a much more dominant, misty, musky thing you get in H24. When the fragrance has settled on skin the Terre d'Hermes reference is much more apparent than the opening two hours which are extremely face puckering citrus and steam iron, possibly some floral accord. Then in the depths and I mean when it's reduced to a skin scent, it's not particularly soft, it's quite woody and masculine and I can still smell the remnants on my arm the following day. This isn't because it's a horribly loud, tenacious, spiky thing like a Sauvage, it's much quieter than that, it's almost metallic, skin like, mildly sweaty/spicy, wood remains, it really reminds me of something my dad used to wear, seriously. I can't hate it. It's a take on an absolute classic, I mean I think she did the parfum or whatever, which is fine (oh no was it the vetiver version?) and now there's this, I suppose it's the end of an era and things have to move on. I don't necessarily understand discontinuing Eau tres Fraiche which is a great flanker and in many ways an even bigger departure from the original even than this is, but something about that felt really right, and I'm just not as enamoured with this, right now that is. Like H24, It may need time and proper wear, I suspect it will.

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Akro Dark

This smells like a better version of Montale Chocolate Greedy. Same smell without the skanky dried fruits.

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Akro Night

Wtf!!!!! This smells like B.O!🤢🤢 Who the flying F**k would want to smell like BO😱. To y'all out there that like this, Y'all need serious deliverance cause for you to like this means there is something seriously disturbed about you🤣

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Chanel Le Lion Eau de Parfum

Le Lion Eau de Parfum

This is not nice!. Very mature, old, vintage, animalic smelling.🤢🤢. Big nono from me dawg

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Clive Christian E for Men Gourmand Oriental With Sweet Clove

E for Men Gourmand Oriental With Sweet Clove

Clive Christian

I've got to say I really like this perfume. Having worn it when it was released (Thanks Clive Christian for the samples) I remember being quite taken by this. It's a chewy, resinous, gourmand, a kind of dark, boozy dessert, with ashy, smoked wood undertones. Sounds lame, but it's completely unique I'd say, I really can't think of much that smells like this. I revisited it today because I found this sample in my garage, randomly. This is the kind of thing I should really hate coz it's in the style perfumes everyone seems to rave about, and I'm just kinda like 'really?' but this one is a better version of your Black Phantom (another one I revisited in the last week or so) or a bit like the sort of boozy, cakey stuff I do like, see 1270 by Frapin. This has something extra for me, it smells expensive and I can't help liking it A LOT! I'd never pay the daft price tag and do I think it's what I consider 'proper' perfume, no, and not really. However, I'm really enjoying wearing it today and did the first time (the fact I could remember it says that it left a lasting impression) that's what counts.

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Xerjoff XJ 1861 Zefiro

I don't make a habit of trying new Xerjoff's (I know this isn't but it might as well be) because they're an expensive, elite, luxury brand, which I don't connect with and the X fanboys are annoying. However, good perfume is good perfume right? and by the sheer law of averages one or two of their prolific back catalog are bound to resonate with me at some point and Zefiro is one of those, I love it. Smooth, subtle, spicy warmth coming through a kind of milky, satin, woody incense, perfumery haze. It's sweetened musks, perhaps even a touch vanillic but with those warm spices of cardamom/cinnamon/clove which creates a powdery effect and constitutes that carnation note, it's not an accurate carnation but it evokes it enough to me to make it mention worthy. Also I can get that pepper association, definitely from the opening which evokes Carbone by Balmain and the musky, pinky, powder drydown of This is Him by Zadig and Voltaire. It also reminds me a touch (not smell wise but mood) of the only Xerjoff I own.... 1888. I used to think Xerjoff were unattainable price wise as well, I'm no skinflint but they always seemed VERY pricey, but this and many others are available on discount websites for much the same (or slightly less) than some other 'niche' brands. Update: A friend of mine saw heard me talking about this and kindly sent me 10mls of it and having given it a proper wear my feelings haven't changed, although he did say 'Zafiro? oh I think I have that, is it the Elemi one?' to which I replied.... ermmm... no really. However, upon wearing this it's got that curdled fizz of creamy vanilla rounded, resins and the opening of this is a very smooth Elemi/Olibanum combo. I normally don't really like stuff like this, infact the same guy sent me a sample along with the Xerjoff with an example of the exact same thing but done really badly. This gets away with it because of that cinnimal/clove aspect at the heart and with the creaminess creates a perfect balance with everything else and almost evokes a kind of creamy, powdery, carnation effect. There's times I'm not sure during the day but generally speaking I really enjoyed it. The vanilla aspect is certainly in check and not overdone in anyway which usually ruin this type of fragrance for me.

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Attar Collection Khaltat Night

Attar Collection

This here is a underrated gem. Absolute banger. Basically PDM Oajan with Cherry. Drydown is Oajan/Angel's Share. Now tell me that's not a frag worth buying!.

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Givenchy Gentleman Eau de Parfum Reserve Privée

Gentleman Eau de Parfum Reserve Privée

I sniffed this for two minutes in a shop, on a strip, not the best conditions to make an informed decision or write an intelligible review for you guys, but I'm gonna do it anyway. The bar is set very low for new designer releases so if I lavish praise on this thing, carefully tone down & contextualize in your own mind, but I thought this was very good! A pleasant surprise then, a kind of hefty boozy resinous opening, it's almost a chewy amber and think but in all honesty I found it pretty original for all the talk of Dior Homme people have said to me. I didn't get that. I really didn't, I can understand there might be an iris/orris accord or at least something rich an floral (ish) I'm going to update this review, because I need to wear it properly, as I might be totally wrong, but my intuition is telling me this is a good one, and not the first from this line, there's another one that's good too.

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Malin+Goetz Dark Rum

Ooooh I mean the collection of three I tried here were not good and make think this brand is rubbish. (sorry) Expectations were of a booziness and perhaps some of those boozy rum tropes, I wasn't expecting a 'real rum' from a C02 extract or something (a brutally expensive fragrance material) but just a bit of that Killian, or Roja booze maybe a bit of Oakwood (also expensive but maybe a frugal drop or clever accord with cedar Nope. This is a fruity perfume, but it mulched, dark fruit and sweetness, not even in a good way like Vagabond Prince Enchanted Forest or Byredo Pulp. Dark Rum instantly reminded me of something, can't place it. It's not a perfume for me, it's not Dark and it's not Rum, the names shouldn't matter, but they do, they make me have expectations and they tend to be much 'safer' than these titles suggest. Disappointing.

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Malin+Goetz Leather

Okay so this is bad. It's almost like Le Labo at this point, discard the name because it means nothing. If the brief is leather here, this was perfumed by an alien who has never smelled leather and doesn't even know what leather is. That's all I can conclude from this pickled, cucumber and celery salt, brine liquor which yes you've guessed it, smells like Santal 33. It's a cultural and perfumery milestone, I get it, but I despise the perfume. Sandalwood accords seem to want to be paired with this crippling, greenish, papyrus accord and I can kinda see why. Amyris has some of the qualities of both sandalwood and papyrus. This is a bit less invasive than the Le Labo, but also a paler and weaker version to those who love the brutality and presence of Santal 33, yes you can instantly tell the difference to the point it's not a 'clone' as such but I've no doubt they were aware of the popularity of this style of perfume. Look I can forgive a copy of Santal 33 even if that's what this was, but I can't forgive is the promise of Leather being dashed by the emergence of a horrid perfume trope, I hate. It's not Leather. Simple.

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Malin+Goetz Cannabis Eau de Parfum

Cannabis Eau de Parfum

Most cannabis fragrances are a huge disappointment, not only in terms of accuracy (I've never smelled one that accurately smells of any flower I've ever sniffed) and two, because why the fuck do you want to smell like cannabis anyway? I get that it's a personal preference thing, but I really don't want to wear a perfume which smells that way. It's not that I don't like the smell of cannabis, far from it, nor is it because I'm not fascinated by the technical feat of making an accurate cannabis accord, I am. In fact, I'm looking to make a decent weed accord just to prove that it's possible. I'm surprised no one has to date because many of the terpines and flavanoid chemicals are also used in perfumery like Limonene, carophylenes, etc.... and common cannabis flower facets like citrus, piney, skunky, cheese, gassy, even leather and earthy spicy tones, all things achievable with many of the same chemicals, so come on perfumers....there's no excuse. So is this one any good at capturing the scent of weed? No where near!!! Sorry Malin and Goetz but you haven't even managed that trope we've seen from a few brands (Bois 1920 being the only on I can think of right now) which yes do indeed smell like cannabis, but I would say more like vegetative cannabis, which has quite a pungent greeness, and offputtingly, spicy, dark, hashish smell to it. They've (not this brand or perfume remember) nailed that to be fair, but that's even less desirable than smelling like the flowers to me. Anyway back to this perfume and it's a kinda sweet, slightly herbal (crucially NOT 'erbal) , nothing of a perfume. It's not unpleasant by any means but it doesn't capture the brief in any way. I'm baffled.

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Giorgio Armani Cuir Zerzura

I really love this fragrance. It's truly excellent. Not a vastly complex fragrance but a very nice leather accord in here, one with really smells like leather. Leather 'accuracy' or realism is not something I'm hang up on, like many accords an effects in perfumery it can be a broad church as can leather itself depended on type, where it's sourced, how it's treated/tanned etc...and I allow for a degree of creative license in achieving 'leather' in perfumery terms. This has the deep, buttery, unsweetened effect you get from creating it using orris/iris type materials but this is less cosmetic than a Dior Homme for instance. I didn't really get a lot from the top notes other than a very delicate nuance, transitioning base & mid hum, that this the general tonality of this perfume. I can't wait to try it again actually, it's not a hugely creative take, it's not particularly screaming innovation, it's a very good perfume, executed incredibly well and as much as I think the Armani prive line has always been good, I wasn't really expecting tto be so charmed by this.

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Zaharoff Signature Citrine

Signature Citrine

Agree that Citrine is one classy citrus fragrance. Not your run of the mill citrus bombs for sure, quality citrus opening with some depth and a great mix of mid and bottom notes from all corners of the spectrum.

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Davidoff Cool Water Reborn

Cool Water Reborn

Terrible. Imagine someone spraying a bathroom air freshener in your face.

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Ganache Parfums Ice Cream Shoppe

Ice Cream Shoppe

Ganache Parfums

Stunner but smells IDENTICAL to Lemon Creme by Ganache Parfums

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