For a start you can fuck off with that name. How half arsed can you get? But holy mackerel it's quite an opening this perfume makes. The best way I can describe it is soapy, floral, aquatic opening, almost what men's blue fragrances should smell of. There' s a watery fig approximation and traces of that abominable Santal 33, transparent sandalwood which grows and grows as it settles. They had to do it didn't they. Evoke the Spector at the feast. I didn't like this one, but even in it's derivative, unit shifting, lack of imagination, it's still less hateful than it's forebear.

Oh god! Here we go...another cannabis fragrance. (I wish I could use the eye roll, yawn, or flip the bird emoji on here right now) However, it's not quite the tale of woe I figured it would be, that insipid, spicy, vegetal cannabis smell of a billion and one trendy and late to be trendy brands have incorporated into their repertoire in recent years. The reason it passes muster with me is the open admission of patchouli as the other dominant force in this fragrance and it's much better for it let me tell you, and that's why it doesn't get my wrath. The other reason is that the patchouli element, especially opening actually makes a pleasant and intriguing combo with the weed smell, and it's not the most annoying accord either. As it settles though the cannabis comes in and serves to sort of taint the patchouli a bit, but I suppose it kinda has to flip to give both aspects, given that it's called cannabis patchouli... duh! It continues to flip and flick between the two, which neither makes for a boring patchouli or irritating cannabis dominant perfume. All in all, I thought it was quite clever to pit perhaps the hippiest two notes/materials/accords whatever against or allied ith each other. I might just be going soft in my old age but I think the perfumer manages to soften it an create a much better perfume than I was anticipating. On a personal level I don't ant to smell like a kinda ok patchouli fragrance & definitely not like cannabis in the vegetative stage (or any other stage to be honest) so it's not for me, but I can still see a degree of merit in it. Might be for someone who likes the idea of earthy, green and cannabis as a perfume but doesn't like what the others offer, but also likes a bit of patchouli too. Worth a sniff.

This is instantly different to the other rose in this collection and I mean, you'd hope so right? This is sweeter, perhaps a little more traditionally rosy, I get pink pepper for a moment but then it turns to that soapy, high end version of herbal essence shampoo. Actually has a nice 'dark' green, peppery note a it dries down. Not my taste or the best example of this genre but joins a host of competent and likable modern rose perfumes. I must say I do like it overall. It's certainly more suitable for raving than the other rose, but did it really do it for me in the way certain modern roses have? Not quite. Update 26/01/25 I’m trying this again today and have nothing to add to my above review. Honestly, I don’t mean to toot my own horn but I read it and was like… yeah… I said it then. Now sometimes I come back to these reviews and think… what the hell was I thinking writing that? But here…well… it’s spot on.

Errrrrrrm.... This is a bit lovely. It's earthy, slightly sweaty cumin and patchouli/vetiver with a metallic rose note. I've smelled similar perfumes to this but hey, I'm not unrealistic, nor am I looking for absolute innovation every time, I like it.

I think Andrier is a fantastic perfumer, let's just get that out of the way. I think her aesthetic is as strong as Roundnitkas or Cellier, Jean Claude Ellena....any perfume who's style really is their own. Sometimes I think she's underated as being too modern, minimal and basically just making a billion Iris perfumes, which is sort of true but also sort of missing the point. This is a new line and a venture into perfumery outside of the first which was famously with Frederic Malle, and a fragrance I own because I think it's a curious art piece, complex and challenging but also a bit too challenging as I never feel compelled to wear it. So anyway, yes this is the first I tried from the new line and although I'm not one of those folks who genders fragrance and makes a big fuss about defying the marketing to 'wear what you want' (I think that's kinda implicit) However, I still have personal boundaries as to what I consider, too feminine for me personally, and Jardin de L'Orangerie falls into that category. Very pleasant creamy, lactonic opening with a very pretty orange blossom which descends into a musky, vanilla blah. It's very nice and well made, but not for me, I prefer my orange blossoms much more on the indolic, waxy side and surrounded by something interesting to set them off, or just fresh, cologne aspects. Sandalwood and orange blossom is not a misleading description, it delivers them, but in a way that is not really my scene. (This review is based on a first impression and I was only confident enough to write this review as I've tried zillions of perfumes at this point and I'm 85% sure my opinion won't shift too much upon giving it a proper wear. Having said all that, perfume still surprises me so stay tuned for a possible update)

So I'm wearing Dries Van Noten's Neon garden today and although it's actually a very competent, pleasant, cheat mode (I mean orris/iris who does like that?) fragrance from Fanny Bal, I'm just not quite feeling it. I think the expectation of 'Mint' as it's clearly listed in my little sample set, made me think 'hmmmm iris and mint? I don't think I've had that combo, could be something really special this!!!' I think that expectation coupled with the OTT packaging and the Bladerunner name, had me longing for something with a bit more oomph than I got. Like I said it's a nice 'niche' Orris perfume with the most subtle vegetal qualities, and greenery, and indeed mint top note but it's too fleeting to be considered something I'd really seek out and have the ability to stand out in the crowd. The Orris goes from fleshy and leathery/powdery to that dry, papery woody ionone/irone, as a modern, uncluttered Iris perfume, I like it, but unless you're some massive DVN fan then this is just another nice perfume. Up that mintiness, and give us some shock greenery of galbanum or geranium in a top/heart that was detectable for longer, then let it retreat to a very nice iris and I would've probably sang the praises of this perfume. Take more risks what I think.

Conquistador is a really elegant fragrance from start to finish, a nicely pitched opulent dusty, Labdanic sandalwood amber accord accented with a leathery iris, right from the start. It feels more like a L'air du dessert esque appeal for me. Defintely a touch of vanilla or benzoin and a syrupy boozy, oudish smell later (sometimes patchouli can do this) so yeah, that's quite a lot of things I know, but I got some good progression out of this, which I think speaks to the inherent quality of the stuff. To it's credit, Conquistador didn't feel like just another iris/orris perfume which let's face it are fairly commonplace in 'niche' perfume and if I'm honest even the worst ones are pretty good, because everyone loves orris materials whether natural or bases or whatever, it's a pretty safe bet. This feels safe but also very nicely done and as I mentioned not tropey, for me it's not 'Dior Homme plus xyz' I think that's a little reductive. I have to give credit where credit is due and although I wasn't blown away, Franck Muller have produced some consistently good products here.

I don't mean to slag off this collection because on the whole, they ain't too bad but this was very lack lustre to wear and yet again, forgettable, for me. I've nothing against a throwaway, fruity musk, mildly floral too, and that's what we have here, but it doesn't interest me or spark the fragrance enthusiast in me to want to find something I love about it. It didn't really make me feel much. However, and for those that don't know, The Crazy hours is an iconic watch from Franck Muller which has a sort of quirky but still seriously luxurious feel. This does for me represent the sort of rainbow colours of the disordered dial of a crazy hours timepiece so I think the brief has been met, and you can't ask for much more. The citrus and higher end qualities of this did remind me of a Creed or similar type fragrance, but again you'd have to really be a big fan of Franck Muller or a collector of branded niche perfume like this to be attracted to it, and I'm just not. That' not to say that I don't want one of the beautiful flacon from FM because they are very nice looking and not outrageously priced either compared to some brands. I think Muller have given some thought to the perfumes in this line, not just jizzed out a load of cynical, generics as a watch brand trying to move into another luxury market might do but as a result of this appeal to the masses, haven't taken any risks, and why would they? True blue, hardcore fragrance fans will probably have nothing to see/sniff here, but some might be snared by the luxury and association with quality, because I doubt anyone would say this perfume is innovative.

Double Mystery? It didn't even have a touch of single mystery for me. I actually didn't write any rough notes to later form a review of double mystery (as is normal practice), it's only been a few days since I wore it and I genuinely can't remember much about it. Other than it being a woody floral, ('white' flowers) perfume, competently made and quality enough to demand this Luxury aesthetic, price tag (just about) but my fundemental question (now having tried the whole line) why buy this as a perfume or smell, if not motivated by the luxury watch angle or the packaging? Because I don't think you necessarily would otherwise, and that's all fine. I thought the perfume was decent enough. But ultimately (and quite literally) forgettable.

Wake up world! Wake up and smell the 90's, quite literally. Such a bold global proclamation deserves a better fragrance than this surely? Go back to sleep world, is more like it. Yeah I simply don't like this and it's not because I don't like DHM or Ambroxan, both great materials but I don't think this is showcasing an innovative way of using them. It smells to me of a lemon/bergamot opener on this insipid, pile of stuff, the soapy, herbal, 'man goo', that is dihydromyrcenol and some diffusive ambroxan and a hint of sickly coumarin warmth. I think it's a bit of nightmare actually and reminds me of stuff like Nikos Sculpture, oddly misshapen and ugly to most but with a strange beauty to the few. It also sort of reminds me a touch of 00's Gucci or even something which I like possibly Armani Code or something? But that's a prime example of how this kind of stuff (let's call it modern fougere) can be done right. I'm not mad at it, just disappointed but how could I not be, it's clearly supposed to make a statement, the bottle is dark as apposed to all the other Parle Moi perfumes, and the name screams a message, literally at the whole stricken space bauble we live on. Wake up!!!! The same message that was daubed in graffiti throughout the UK during the pandemic, as a 'deep' message to the sheeple.... man! pfffft!!! So whether the name is poignant to you or not, it certainly built up my expectations to a fever pitch, only to be deflated rather rapidly. Also Michel Almeriac making a 90's type, masculine (ok it's unisex marketed) hommage sounds on paper like something right up my street. It just isn't, I found it quite unpleasant.