Nothing but javanol.

Something about the names of these perfumes seems a bit bleak to me, like they were conceived in the midst of some sort of crestfallen manic episode. The perfumes themselves are unremarkable. The bad pun names are the most interesting thing here, and they're not interesting.

Dia(rrhea)betes. Pooey, vomity, sickly sweet caramel, bubblegum, haribo, poo.

À somewhat pleasant opening shortly turns into a nauseating soup of aroma-chemicals. It's heavy handed and genuinely almost made me throw up, and I own Secretions Magnifiques. This is possibly the most offensive perfume I've ever put on my skin, which I'm surprised by considering how gently it opens. I've showered and it's still as strong as it was before. Fuck my life.

I smelled this at the Palais Royal store. It has incense first and foremost, then thyme. It's pretty lovely, I want to try it on my skin. Update: I have a bottle and it's becoming a favourite.. The opening is a massive, photorealistic, bone-dry whack of thyme. Imagine the lavender of Pour Un Homme de Caron before that gives way to the softer vanilla etc, it's like that but thyme. Not really like a perfume, more of a spa aromatherapy treatment. But then, oh my god, the incense dry-down.... If you love incense perfumes as I do, check this one out. The dry down introduces just the slightest touch of something sweet, with a lovely, non-burning, churchey incense, and the delicate remnants of the thyme, and it stays like this (quite close to the skin) for much longer than I expected. So while the opening didn't make my heart skip, the dry-down does. I mean to be honest, the Lutens-Sheldrake dream duo can't really do any wrong for me, so I'm glad this didn't disappoint either. If you know the others in the line, it is instantly part of that DNA, but it's probably the most different, in terms of not being fresh aldehydes, soapy etc. Update: Today I sprayed CDG Avignon on one arm and was immediately reminded of Point du Jour, and wanted to see if the similarity was real. So I sprayed PdJ on the other arm. While the opening of the latter is herby, it quickly dries down into the incense that indeed is extremely similar to Avignon (disclaimer: I only have a sample of Avignon so haven't spent proper time with it). This isn't a bad thing in my book, and I prefer PdJ, as it performs better on my skin. ....and I just went to the "reminds me" section to put in Avignon, and voilà, it's already there, told you so lol.

Layer with New York Intense. You're welcome 😎

Sprayed it on card and it smelled exactly like my most detested fragrance of all time, Santal 33, goddammit it I hate that scent and couldn't believe I'd accidentally bought 30ml of a dupe thereof. BUT, on skin, thank christ, it's not that. It's got a sandlewood vibe but is more subtle and fresh, light. It kind of smells like it could be a Guerlain Homme flanker. Very nice!

À warm, orchard apple opens this perfume, the sort you'd make cloudy apple juice from. Then as it dries down cinnamon and aldehydes (ever so slightly cheesy) are revealed, then finally the trademark EDP musky base. Bizarre, complex and wonderful. Update after two years of owning: This is a very strange, stark combination of aldehydes and spice, with fruit, but not in an old-school way. The fruit is like weird, plastic, abstract fruit, or maybe some apple slices in a condom, and eventually dries down to a musk with wafts of apple pâtisserie. It's a series of notes found in orientals of days gone by, but presented in such a skewed manner as to be unrecognisable as such. Pure genius, although I can understand why it lurks in the background behind other Malle scents. This one isn't loud, it isn't a show-stopper, it's more of an intellectual, academic study of old-school perfumery through the most aloof niche lens.

Rose de Russie + Géranium Pour Monsieur via the exquisite craftsmanship of Jean-Claude Ellena. Wonderful! Smells 100 times better on skin than on card.